Toby and I took a walk last night. Felt like rain, but only because the wind had kicked up a bit. That’s not a good thing these days. A flammable California does not need wind. But it’s autumn and the evenings cool off — lately with brilliant sunsets, fiery and red.
Our normal route is to go down by the park, walk around, and then head home. I had the intention of going past the llama farm, but Toby really likes the park.
The park has lit fields and there were several soccer games happening, just beyond the baseball diamond. Up until this year, my husband and I were likely to be one of the parents sitting on the sidelines. Our daughter started playing recreation soccer in third grade and played through her junior year. She loved it — or so we thought — but what she really loved was her team. Her coach, the girls — they’d become family. She wouldn’t dream of not playing.
Me? I dreamed of her not playing — if only to free up some evenings and weekends. Don’t get me wrong — I loved watching our girl play defense. And she was good! But I also longed to sit at a coffee shop on Saturday mornings rather than in an uncomfortable lawn chair.
This year, though, Coach moved; the teams were shuffled up. It just wouldn’t be the same. And besides, our girl wanted to bask in her senior year. Who could blame her?
And now I miss it. Motherhood is so fickle that way! I certainly have more time for me — but what I long for is more time carting my girls around, being part of their day, being pulled by their whims and fancies.
When I got home, our sweet girl was finishing up a few college applications. Now, with a click of a button — and a stable credit card — apps are filed and confirmed by the institution in a matter of minutes. When I left for our walk, she was working on homework. When I got back, she was moving closer to college and a future different from mine. The winds are picking up around here, changing direction again, as they should be for our little family. It’s all good, as they say. It’s all good.