Tuesday 5:30 AM: I feel like a country western song — you know, the one about not finding what you’re looking for — or the one about losing what you had? I don’t even know the right words for the picking of guitar strings, but I can hear the sound in my ears as I think about keeping up with my blog. This summer — like a new romance — it was easy. I wrote every morning and I had the time to pour over my words, making sure I chose the right complimentary photograph. Or I uploaded pictures I’d taken on our tiny travels, sharing my world through my viewfinder. I also had time to wade through other people’s writings. I traveled on their journeys with them — through foreign cities as well as through their daily lives, and sometimes even into their minds. It was new love.
Now, the reality of work and daily schedules has clipped that blog affair and I struggle to find the time to write and to read. I start — like I have this morning — and then I look at the time and . . . whoosh! I have to run or be late. When you teach, being late is not an option. So . . . I’ll be back later. Hang on. Enjoy this picture while I’m gone, It’s a picture of my dad (left) looking a little like the gang from THE OUTSIDERS:
I’m back. But it’s 9:00 at night — and it’s been a long day. I don’t know what time is the prime time to post blogs, but I’m sure it’s not bedtime. Or is it? I still feel like a novice at this blogging thing but my gut tells me morning posts are better. Let me know if that’s not true.
But here are a couple of bedtime thoughts:
Teaching, as much as I love it, throws time into a black hole. Where does it go? Technology is in part to blame. I spent a good chunk of time this afternoon just trying to design a quiz on Google classroom. Tech just doesn’t come naturally to me (I’m about as far from being a digital native as my parents were to rock-and-roll). That said, I figured it out — but it cost me precious time. Hopefully, it will go more quickly next time. (And, surprisingly, that’s me agreeing that there probably will be a next time).
Dinner. I am a big believer in my family gathering around the table, and I love to cook, but I have to say I’m a little envious of drive-through dinners. I feel like fast food would open up my time to blog. Eating out of paper bags would make clean-up a breeze. Still, dinner is a hill I’ll probably die on. Next year, my youngest goes off to college and my husband and I will be empty-nesters. Maybe then I’ll be ready to negotiate the whole dinner thing — and have more time to practice my photography and blog. Until then, it’s not just a gift of food I give my family daily — it’s a gift of time.
For now, though, I’m heading off to bed. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow morning, when maybe I’ll find the time to post this. I’ll share another picture with you, for now. It’s an iPhone shot, taken last night as I marveled at how hot and humid it still was. We’re in the SF Bay Area; we don’t do hot and humid. Except when we do — and then we make it last a while. Night, night. Here’s our sweltering moon:
Wed. 5:30 AM: I’m an early riser so I’m here, back at it. We’ve had the air conditioning running for the last week thanks to this heat wave we’re having, but I’m tired of it. I want my open windows and chilly mornings back, please. Climate change: you are so not welcome here.
And that brings me to my final quandary about time. There is so much to write about — all the big things that are devastating our country and our world, let alone all the little things that make up our lives. I have been struggling with overwhelm, which sucks up time like nothing else. It feels like the US is on the precipice of either changing course and honoring the ideals set forth by our very flawed founding fathers (but whose vision was filled with light and promise) — or diving, eyes closed, into a murky and dangerous swamp, our experiment in governance having failed. I refuse to close my eyes — but keeping them open is scary and hard. I don’t really have any other choice — but these days leave me speechless.
So Time . . . you done me wrong. Ok, not really — but it fits with this country song thing I’ve been feeling about it. I do wish it would slow down, just so I could find the words.